Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
