She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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