ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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