I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
