You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
