i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i will never coherently bang her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i think my cat just said my name.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
