My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This baby is an asshole
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
