Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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