All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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