she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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