STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
