I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
