I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
