I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
