So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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