What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
