You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
