I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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