Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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