So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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