i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
