Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
