and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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