i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
