Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
