Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
