I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You ruined the universe
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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