i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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