i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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