I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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