Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
