Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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