I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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