omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
