Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
