I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
