it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
