It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
