ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
