Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
