someone owes me an orgasm
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
