I'm passing your future prison.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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