Acid is not a monday night drug
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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