we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
