I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
