I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize