He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize