I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
