There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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