Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
