Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
