He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
