what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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