Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
