You're my little dorito
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Randomize
