The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
