Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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