Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

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(845): View more from New York

Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

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(425): View more from Washington

He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.

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(716): View more from New York

he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."

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(619): View more from California

Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.

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