i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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