maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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