Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
