he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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