I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
