I think i peed on brittanys purse
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm like, not good at living.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
