He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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