Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
