so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
