Umm I'm too high to move.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
